Come Clean is a book about a young teenage girl, it describes her mind-set and thoughts as she deals with her problems. I picked this book up from the British Library, Pune. I’m a regular member there and though I didn’t think so initially, every time I visit it, I end up bringing back at least 3 really nice fiction books. This one I own now, because it was withdrawn for sale. I bought 2 other hopefully great books too along with this one and you’ll find them reviewed by me here in the months to come..

Justine Ziegler has just been through the untimely death of her brother, Joshua, after a prolonged drug problem. The tragedy has left her feeling lost since Joshua was her best friend, her confidant, her soul mate. She misses him so much that she practically denies the very fact that he’s gone. She sleeps in his bed with his pillow which smells of him, spends most of her time in his room, even hangs out with their common friends.. only their common friends.

Also, of lately, she’s been acting wierd with her parents. Snapping back at them, shutting herself up in Joshua’s room, not socializing etc. And then one day, she stays out all night with her best friends Cindy and Larry, and she gets really drunk. That was it! The maximum her parents could take, and by far the stupidest thing she could have done.

So the next morning, which is a Sunday, Justine is still asleep when her mother slams open the door nosily so as to wake her up. She orders Justine to get ready in 10 minutes as they are supposed to go to Church. Justine sleepily asks if she can skip this time since she wasn’t feeling too well, but mum won’t have any of it. So she struggles to get up and out of bed, but her head feels dizzy. She had too much to drink last night and she had a bad hangover. Plus she hadn’t had anything to eat since so many hours, which is why she puked in dad’s car while they were on the way. That made things all the more worse.

While they were on the way to Church, Justine realized that the way was not the familiar one they took every Sunday. She asked her mother where they going, to which her mum gave indirect and totally un-connected answers. That was the first sign that something was funny. Next, Justine realized they were heading out of town. That was when it hit her, they were not going to Church or anywhere else familiar. Soon, they were parked outside the “Come Clean” office – the rehabilitation center for addicts. The same place her brother was admitted to as a hope for curing him of his addiction. Her parents, and the people were convinced on observing Justine’s behavior that she had some sort of addiction.

Only they couldn’t say for sure what kind of addiction because Justine won’t admit to any. Even after her yelling and begging that she didn’t have any problem and that she didn’t belong in some institute, her parents left her there for a 3 day observation. But the observation period only ended up being transformed into permanent admittance since Justine constantly denied being an addict of any sort, disrespected the programme rules and just didn’t want to accept that she in fact needed help.

Only towards the end of the book does Justine realize and accept that she actually had an addiction. The addiction was her brother. Being around him, doing everything with him, sharing everything with him – her addiction was Joshua. And her problem was, that he was dead. Right from the time they started understanding things, she and Joshua had been inseparable. She saw her own image in him. When he died, it was like he took away Justine’s thoughts, her life, her heart… her everything with him. And that’s why, she was treating herself like the way she was. She had started thinking that she too had no right to live any longer, that she doesn’t and shouldn’t exist now that Joshua had gone.

This acceptance, the Come Clean programme and her family’s help made her realize how she was ruining her life and making it so difficult for her parents to loose one child and watch the other destroy herself like that. By the end, Justine had started on the path to recovery. She had started to come clean.

The major portions of the book describe her days at the programme. What she thinks, how she perceives everything and everyone around her. The way the author has described her thoughts is actually quite interesting and seems pretty real. It is quite close to how teenagers think and take everything around them to be. The book is written entirely in second person, which is different. Justine has told the entire story to Joshua, like she’s talking to him.

Its a little depressing, but still an interesting read altogether.